


Maybe I Could Let Go

by foreverfelicityqueen (stydiasredstring)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, Speculation, it's probably wrong though, this is basically what i think is gonna happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-11-27 12:45:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18194759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stydiasredstring/pseuds/foreverfelicityqueen
Summary: William finds a file hidden deep in Kevin Dale's system that might lead the Smoak-Queen family to something they've been hoping for, for a very long time. But Mia's never been one to let hope guide her. It usually ends in heartbreak.





	1. All I Find is You

**Author's Note:**

> So I had feelings and I wanted to share them. I hope you like this. I also hope Ao3 separates Connor and JJ's tags eventually. Because it's annoying.

Mia walked behind her mother and brother… It still felt weird to think those words, to have this whole other person connected to her. For twenty years all she knew was her mom. Her mom and the training visits from Aunt Nyssa. But Nyssa wasn’t blood. Her mom explained once that she was someone who cared about their family, who felt the need to fulfill a debt to her father. And Felicity never told her more than that.

The only  thing that could rival the unease over her new found brother, was what they were investigating right then. 

It’s not that she didn’t want to hope, to believe that the file Will found was real. She had never wanted anything more. But she couldn’t bring herself to hope. Not like her mom, who was practically bouncing on her heels, or like William, his nervous hands hacking into the computer panel.

The air behind them felt stiff from lack of movement, and she turned her head to see Connor’s eyes on her. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered, and something told her he knew exactly what was going through her mind. 

“Keep your eyes open,” she replied, because she couldn’t deal with those emotions right now either. She cleared her throat. “Could you maybe work a little faster? We don’t have this kind of time to waste.”

“Would you like to trade jobs?” Will quipped with a smile. 

“I bet I could hack faster than you could shoot an arrow.”

“Kids,” their mother looked between them, but Mia saw the pain swimming in her eyes. This wasn’t just another mission for her. She needed what Will found in that file to be true. She needed it more than air. “Maybe we should have brought Roy and Dinah too.”

“Too much attention,” Connor replied with a shake of his head. “Besides someone had to be the lookout downstairs.”

“What about the ARGUS agents Dale hired to sweep the building?” she countered. “Not worried about them finding us?”

“Depends.”

“On what?” she pressed, but before Connor could answer the magnetic lock click open.

“Got it,” Will said shoving his tablet back in the bag as he took a step forward. 

She grabbed his shoulder, holding him in place. “If what that file said was true, you think you should walk in there without at least scoping the room?”

Will’s eyes met hers and all she saw when he did was a ghost from old photos. She let him go and readied her bow. “Stay behind me.”

She took a tentative step across the threshold, her heart raced in her chest.  _ It’s the situation. Going in blind. _ It’s what her brain kept repeating. But Mia knew that wasn’t all of it. She knew that even if she didn’t want it, the hope her mother and brother shared had already rooted itself in her too. She needed this just as much as they did.

When her shoes stepped onto the marble floor, light flooded the room. It reflected off the cold, white walls, as she let her eyes scan for signs of danger. Something like this, someone this important to hide, surely there’d be guards. But the room held no sound save for the machines that stood next to the hospital bed. 

“Oh my god,” Mia heard her mother’s voice as she brushed past. No fear of danger could keep Felicity Smoak back. She reached the bedside and Mia listened close as her mom whispered the name like a prayer that had been answered by the skies. “Oliver.”

Will’s steps were more hesitant. Pain and caution kept him from going directly to their father’s side. But he still moved forward. He was still closer to Oliver than Mia had ever felt like she could be. But still she didn’t move. She couldn’t move. Why couldn’t she just move?

“Oliver,” Felicity said again, and her voice became more desperate. “Oliver, wake up. Wake up. Why isn’t he awake? I don’t...”

Something flickered on for her brother as Will moved to the computer near the wall. “They’re probably keeping him drugged. I’ll get in and see what it is, so we know which IV to cut first.”

“Just pull them all,” Mia found herself saying, no clue where the strength to speak had come from. “We have to move him. Now.”

“Mia no,” Will gave her a fearful look. “If we rip those out without knowing what they are and what they’re doing we could ki-- We could do more damage. I can figure this out. Just give me a second.”

“We’re gonna get you out of here,” Felicity said, and Mia watched her mom as she stroked his cheek. So tender and soft. She knew how her mother could be, but she had never seen her like this. “We save each other, remember. And I'm not leaving you again.”

“Mia,” Connor’s voice pulled her gaze from her parents, from the moment she shouldn’t be encroaching on. 

“What?”

“I hear boots echoing,” he said and motioned his head into the room. 

She nodded and pulled him with her. “We’re about to have company.”

“It looks like the drug they have him on is meant for some brainwashing program the government gave up on in early 2020,” Will explained. “It’s mostly a sedative right now."

“Well as not good as that sounds, can we pull the drugs and get him the hell out of here?” she glared at William. “Because about 20-30 ARGUS agents in this roome will make things a hell of a lot worse.”

He looked over at their mom and nodded. “Felicity pull the IVs.”

She didn’t waste time as she ripped the tubes from Oliver’s arm. She held her hand over the spot, and rubbed gently. 

“Great can we go?”

“And move him how? You want me and Felicity to drag him, while you and Connor parkour into every agent in our path? The drugs were the only thing keeping him under. He could wake up any minute.”

“And if he doesn’t?!”

She hadn’t meant to scream it. And by the grief that echoed between her mother and brother, she knew that some part of both of them had been thinking it too. But they were too hopeful to voice it. 

They could hear the agents in the next hall over, and Mia groaned. “Guess this is gonna be more complicated.” 

“I have a plan,” Connor said, with a look in his eye that told her he was about to do something that might piss her off. “Felicity, Will can you get that back exit open?”

“Yes, we can,” her mom replied. “Mia come stay with your father.”

She wanted to protest. She wanted to remind everyone that Connor wasn’t the only fighter in the room. But she couldn’t bear to see the look of pain cross her mom’s face again.

She came to stand next to the bed, her bow hand twitching as she saw her father’s limb hand on the bed. She could so easily reach out and touch him. Hold his hand like she had wanted to do so many time when she was little and scared of a thunderstorm. She wasn’t that little girl anymore, but her heart still cried out for her dad.

“Connor,” she looked over to him when the first of the ARGUS agents filed in. Only four, which was good. They could take four. But he didn’t look like he was moving towards any of them, and she knew how fast Connor was.

“This is a restricted area,” the agent behind him said, the helmet he wore kept Mia from reading his expression. But the second he made a move on Connor, she would take him down. 

“My bad,” Connor said, an air of cockiness she hadn’t heard before laced his voice. “See my mom told me to wait here for my big brother.”

“Excuse me?” the agent raised his gun and Mia tensed. But Connor shot her a look that told her to hold her position.

He shrugged as he turned to face the agent. “She did. Said he’d be here any second.”

The agent let out a frustrated growl under his helmet, and turned towards his friends, shooting the other three so quickly Mia almost missed the move.

He turned back and peeled off his helmet, a glare evident on his face as he met Connor’s gaze.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” 

Mia looked at her mom and Will, like they’d have an explanation. But it was Connor who spoke next.

“Had to keep you from shooting me big brother,” he jerked his head at the agent. “Got another one of those?”

“You’re three months older than me so cut the big brother shit,” he said as he pulled a side arm from his back and handed it to Connor. “Mom is gonna kill you when she finds out your breaking into… what the hell is going on here?”

“Long story,” Connor said. “Short version: Felicity’s alive. Oliver is apparently alive. And we gotta get him out of here. Now.”

“Two years undercover and I’m throwing it in now?” he rolled his eyes. “What the hell, the benefits packet sucked.”

Connor had a brother? Of course he did. Because everything hadn’t been stressful lies up until then. 

“JJ,” her mom said from the other side of the room. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s just Jay now,” he replied as he grabbed for his radio. “Agent Diggle requesting backup at the roof access points on the fifth level. All personal.” Then he looked at Connor. “That buy you enough time?”

“I owe you a favor.”

“You owe me a beer.”

Mia felt the shift in the air, the hairs on her neck stood up, and she moved to nock an arrow into place when the lights flickered, things exploding along the walls of the room. She heard her mother’s cry and watched as he silhouette crumpled to the ground. 

“Mom,” she screamed but before she could make it across the room, Kevin Dale was in front of her. His sick, smarmy smile growing on his face.

“Mom huh?” Dale tisked. “Rule one of covert ops little girl, don’t let the bad guys know exactly what you’re looking to protect.”

“Mia I’m fine,” she heard her mom say, but Mia wouldn’t believe it until she could see her. 

“What the hell did you do to her?” She aimed the arrow at Dale’s chest, more than ready to let it fly.

“Just a small EMP,” he replied. “It’s public knowledge that Felicity Smoak has a spinal implant that allows her to walk. Don’t worry, she’ll be okay. If you comply with my demands.”

“I’m gonna kill you.”

“No you won’t,” he said as he circled the bed, Mia kept him sighted with her bow, not taking her eyes off him. “See if you kill me, no one is getting out of here alive. And my security knows to start with her. But if you do something for me, your mommy gets to walk out of here… pun not intended.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Felicity said and she chanced a quick look to see Will helping Felicity to the wall. 

“You should at least ask your friends to lower their guns.”

“Not a chance,” Connor said, and she hear his steps as he moved to stand behind her. But within seconds another sound went off, and both Connor and Jay dropped their guns. Connor cursed and she could see him cradle his hand to his chest. 

“What the hell was that?”

“Potential,” Dale replied. “See your mother created Archer. And when she did it was glorious. But she wasted it’s potential by keeping it safe and not overstepping boundaries. But it can do so much more. And with the right person, it can do that on a much larger scale.”

“Save the villain pitch for someone who’s interested,” she dropped her gaze to the bed for a second. To her father’s face. There it was again, the hope that bloomed in her chest. She needed him to get up. She needed it while Dale was still in range. 

“I see,” his hand rested on the bed, too close to Oliver for her liking. “We wanted to use your father for this. Kind of symbolic considering there would be no Archer without the Green Arrow. But things never took quite right. He kept breaking through the conditioning. His bonds to his family were just too strong. But now he’s nothing more than a vegetable.”

“You’re lying,” Mia gripped her bow tighter, but Dale made sure he was close enough to Oliver that she’d never risk firing the shot. “He’s gonna wake up.”

“You don’t really believe that do you?” he moved around the bed again until he was in front of her arrow, close enough that if she let it go he wouldn’t be able to move in time. “Because you don’t strike me as the type who believes in miracles.”

Dale’s hand grabbed hold of her arrow, pulling it away and snapping it in two. He tossed the pieces to the ground with a scoff. “You’re just a little girl in over your head.”

Mia dropped her bow to the ground and took the steps backwards as Dale advanced. “You think your so smart? You think you’ve planned for every little thing?”

“I don’t think,” he shrugged. “I know. And once we take Archer global, the world will be a better, safer place. No more vigilantes, no more metas. No heroes at all. Whatever legacy your father and his team wanted for this world, it will be nothing but a dark, distant memory.”

“Twisting things like that will just make everyone turn on you. Maybe not in the beginning. But one day, someone’s gonna make sure you get exactly what your deserve. And I can’t wait to see that.” Mia sucked in a breath and she let her eyes dart around. “And do you know what else?”

“Oh enlighten me.”

She dropped her gaze to the ground, to where her bow had fallen, but no longer sat. A smile played at her lips. “You’re too stupid not to see when you’re getting played.”

An arrow shot through his right arm, bringing Dale to his knees. Mia looked up to see her father standing with her bow in his hands. 

His eyes watched her, the recognition played so heavily she almost fell herself. She couldn’t shake the part of her that wanted to run to him, wanted to feel the warmth of his embrace after all these years. But she didn’t go to him, and the fear bloomed across his features as she stared at him. She wondered if the look was mirrored on her own face. 

“I’ll take that back,” she said as she held out her hand for the bow. Oliver hesitated, and she wondered if it was at the idea of being so close to her or of relinquishing the only weapon he had to defend his family. Maybe both. But as they heard Felicity wince, the bow was back in her hand and his focus was solely on finding her mother. 

“Watch Dale,” she told Connor, as she followed Oliver to where Will was helping their mom sit up.

“Dad,” Will’s voice was so quiet she almost missed the word. A word she still hadn’t said. Not the person who mattered the most. “Dad I--”

“William,” their father looked down, but she could see a smile on his face as he watched Will. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“I know.”

Her father’s tentativeness faded as soon as he came close to Felicity. His hand found hers and her mother’s face shifted to something she had only seen in pictures. The sadness Mia had seen behind her eyes for years, melted when he leaned into her, touching her forehead with his. 

He looked over to her brother and the same sadness that she saw directed at her, was now on him.

“I thought I lost you,” Felicity said as tears fell for her eyes. “I thought--”

“I promised you I would always come back,” he kissed her mother softly. “I’m sorry it took so long.”

She laughed, an honest uncontrollable thing, and Mia felt like she was intruding on a moment she wasn’t meant to see. 

Will must have felt the same way, because he stood up, and moved closer to her. 

“How did you know?” he whispered, gesturing towards Dale. “You dropped your bow and everything. How did you know he was waking up?”

“I didn’t,” she replied in the same low tone. But it felt like a lie. Something in her knew that if she was in enough danger, Oliver would save her. And she couldn’t fathom how she could know it. “I took a chance.”

“It paid off,” he gave her a look, a smile on his face.

She glared back. “We’re not hugging.”

“Noted.”

“We should go,” Connor said, as he looked over at them. While she had been focused on her mom, Connor and Jay had tied up Dale, knocking him out as well. “That’s only gonna hold until his security realizes we’re not on the roof.”

Oliver’s focus was on her mom, and it seemed like a whole conversation passed between them in a few silent seconds. 

“I’ll carry Felicity,” he said. But as he got to his feet he stumbled.

“You can’t,” she found herself saying, but she regretted it when he looked at her. She didn't know why she could barely look him in the eye.

“Dad, she's right,” Will said after a moment passed. “You’re still weak. We don’t know what was in all those drugs. Just let Connor carry her out.”

“I have this,” he insisted, reaching for Felicity again. Mia watched the pain cross his face as he lifted his wife onto his back.

“Is he always this stubborn?” she growled to Will.

“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black-- star?” he joked, looking too damn proud of himself.   

“Shut up.” 

Will rolled his eyes and grabbed for their stuff. 

She whirled around as Connor stepped closer to her. “I’ll take the lead. You two handle the rear.”

“Jay can handle the rear by himself, I’m with you.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I’m not leaving your side,” he sounded adamant as his voice dropped. “Don’t ask me to do that.”

Too many emotions flowed through her, itching for a fight to release them. But she didn’t have it in her to take it all out on him. “Fine, we’ll both take the lead.”

“How long until your friends realize the roof was a distraction?” Will asked Jay over her shoulder.

“Not long enough, if we don’t get moving,” he replied with a huff. “I do hope Mom has a position waiting for me at Knight Watch.”

“I think the janitorial staff could use a new member for the graveyard shift,” Connor said as he shrugged. “Gotta start somewhere big brother.”

“Ha, funny,” Jay moved forward holding out his hand. “Give me my damn gun back.”

Connor dropped the glock in his brothers hand, then pulled out his batons. “These are more my style anyway.”

The two of them walked by the others. She tried to ignore her parents as she did, tried to focus on anything but them. Because they still had so much space between them and the outside. She’d worry about the feelings raging in her later, when they were all safe.

\---

She and Connor had taken down three more ARGUS units as they made their way outside. Each time she could feel the mix of emotions taking over as she did. Aunt Nyssa had told her long ago that you kept emotions out of a fight. Anger and passion clouded the mind from seeing victory. Unless the goal was protecting those you hold dear. Then, and only then, did you use every ounce of pain in you to win. 

Dinah and Roy had ‘borrowed’ a van by the time they got back to the alleyway. But they couldn’t make it all the way back to Star City with her mom immobile. So instead her father made a suggestion to Roy. And within minutes they were at an old, abandoned factory. She didn’t think anything was abandoned territory in the Glades. Every bit of real estate was needed to build something back up. But this place looked like it hadn’t been touched in decades.

“What the hell is this place?”

“And why does it look more like Star City currently, then a part of the Glades?” Will added, looking over at their father.

Mia couldn’t, or wouldn’t look at him yet. She didn’t have the energy after getting past those ARGUS agents. Instead she focused on the only word still visible under the years of neglect.  _ Queen. _

“This used to be your grandfather’s,” Oliver explained, as he lifted Felicity to his back once more. “It’s where this all began.”

“Where  _ what  _ began exactly?” And Mia for once was grateful Will was such a talker. Because she wouldn’t have been able to ask.

“Team Arrow,” their mother added, and she and Will shot Felicity a look of confusion.

Will shook his head. “The bunker?” 

“Not the first arrow cave.”

“That’s a stupid name for a hide out,” Mia muttered. 

Even if she wasn’t looking at Oliver directly she could still see the faint smirk on his face as he replied. “We didn’t call it that.”

“Correction,” Felicity said. “ _ You _ didn’t call it that.”

She hesitated as everyone walked forward. They were still in the Glades. The one place she didn’t think would ever feel safe to walk around in. 

“Shouldn’t we check this place out first? Who knows who owns it now?”

“We do,” her mom said with a smile. “Smoak Tech bought it years ago, and I would never sell this place. It’s why the gentrification hasn’t hit this area. Plus I placed enough devices around for this to be a complete Archer free zone. No chance for anyone to find us here.”

“You’re sure?” Will asked then looked at their mom. She gave him a very pointed look Mia remembered from too many years of trying to back talk. “Never mind, sorry I asked.”

She didn’t go downstairs with them. Her mom was awake and rambling on about how she just needed a small shock to kickstart the implant again. So Mia stayed upstairs, walking through the ruins of a nightclub. Faded green, neon lights still hung from the walls. She couldn’t figure out what kind of person kept a secret lair under a place like this.

She heard steps behind her, and if it had been anyone else she would have thrown her guard up straight away. 

“I don’t want to talk right now,” she said taking a seat on the staircase. 

Connor followed her, falling into place right next to her. “William’s already got the implant working for Felicity. It’s a temporary fix. But it should do pretty well until we can get her back over the wall, and to someone who can take a closer look at it.”

“I wasn’t worried.”

“Mia look--”

“You’re brother seems nice,” she cut in, because she wanted to avoid talking about her own issues for as long as possible. “Guess he went along with the whole ‘lie to Mia about my life’ thing.”

“Jay’s been undercover at ARGUS for over two years,” he said, clearing his throat. “As much as I didn’t want to lie to you, I wouldn’t have told you about him either. It would have been too dangerous.”

“Why do you always think I can’t take care of myself?”

“I meant for him,” Connor countered. “He only infiltrated ARGUS so our mom could keep an eye on the meta trafficking they’ve been doing. I kept Jay a secret because I couldn’t risk anything happening to him. He’s too important to me. Kind of like how you never told me who your mom was? Because you knew how dangerous  _ that _ could be.”

“Oh.” Of course Connor had people to protect. She was drawn to him for all the ways they seemed to be alike, but she hadn’t considered that somewhere underneath there might be even more.

“Yeah,” he agreed, then stood. “I hope we can get past this Mia. Because I may have kept who I was from you. And maybe I found you in that club for the wrong reasons. But  since we met, not a day has gone by that I haven’t been completely honest about how I feel for you.”

If she had grown up different, if she hadn’t felt lied to and abandoned a hundred times over, maybe she could have said something back. Something to let him know she felt the same. But she didn’t. She just turned her head, and watched the dust swirling in the light.

She heard his steps retreat towards the basement. And she was glad for the moment alone. She needed to get herself sorted out before she faced anyone else.

Another set of footsteps came into the room, and for a second she couldn’t place them. She had no frame of reference for them. Too heavy to be William’s or her mom’s, Jay had rubber soled boots like Connor, and Dinah and Roy were geared up too much to move so silently. That only left one other person.

“Your mo--,” he stopped like he wasn’t sure if that was the right approach. “Felicity asked me to come up and check on you.”

She watched as he fidgeted, his right hand going over to his left ring finger. But she saw his face fall when he met bare skin.

“She still has it,” Mia said, somehow the words came easily, even if they scared her as she spoke. “She keeps it with her, on a chain. I asked her about it once when I was little.”

“I’ll have to get it back from her,” he said as he took a step forward. “Can I ask who trained you? I mean those moves were... well they were pretty amazing. You were amazing Mia.”

“Aunt Nyssa started training me when I was four.” 

She could see a look pass on his face, and she wasn’t sure what exactly to make of it. But he seemed to want to save that for a later time.

“Mia I just wanted to say--”

“There’s no need,” she cut him off, biting off her sentence before she could add the word she wanted to say the most. “I get it. I know it’s not your fault. You would have been there if you could have.”

“I wanted to be there Mia,” he said, and she had to look away before she started to cry. Why did he keep saying her name like that? Why couldn’t he just let her be? “I wanted to be there for all three of you.” 

“You couldn’t help the world thinking you were dead,” she said the word but it felt more like throwing a dagger right at him. She wished she could take it back. 

“I made a lot of mistakes before that,” he admitted, taking a deep breath as he spoke. “Like keeping you and William apart. I’m sorry you had to grow up without him. I know how important it is to have a sibling. I wish it could have been different.”

“We don’t have to go into all this.”

“Mia you deserve to know the truth. You and your brother. I want to make things right with both of you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Mia I just want us to--”

“Oliver!” She hated the pain on his face as she said it, hated how her father looked like she had crushed what little bit of light had made its way back into his life. But most of all she hated how it tasted in her mouth. Like something chalky and bleak that she’d never be able to swallow. “I can’t do this right now.”

He took a step back and for the first time she could see the multitude of similarities between them. When he looked away she knew he was fighting to hold back the same tears that threatened to spring from her own eyes. She thought he might give up and go back down stairs. But he turned back to her with a new sense of determination on his face. 

“When you were born,” he said, and she almost couldn’t hear him over the racing heart in her chest. “I was so sure there would never be a moment in my life that rivaled how I felt that day. I remember the midwife placing you in your mom’s arms, and how soft and peaceful you looked. I would have done anything to freeze that moment forever. So you would never have to see how terrible this world could be.”

“Please don’t…”

“I told your mom then, that nothing in my life would ever making me happier than that day. I missed that with William. But I got to see you,” he continued with a ragged sigh. “I was wrong. Because when I woke up in that room today, and I saw you standing there, all grown up and with so much fire. Mia I promise you that was the best moment I’ve ever had.”

She looked up at him and she could see that he wasn’t hiding himself. No masks to cover his emotions. The man before her looked broken and damaged, but also so full of hope and promise. And she couldn’t understand why.

“Why do you keep saying my name?”

He took a step closer, and she wondered if he was waiting for her to give him permission to sit. 

“Did your mom ever tell you why we named you Mia?” 

She shrugged, sliding over on the step as an invitation. “She said it was short for Moira. After your mom.”

He nodded, taking the chance and settled himself to the steps. “She was a complicated woman.”

“So I’ve heard,” she said, shifting so they could look at each other. “There’s not a lot connected to vigilantes that you can’t find somewhere. I know what she tried to do to the Glades.”

He folded his hands out on front of him. “She made a lot of mistakes. Some of them she claimed were to protect me and your aunt Thea. Some I think she did because she wanted to. But she loved her children. And I didn’t understand half the things she did for us until I became a father myself.”

“Mom said she died protecting you and your sister.”

“She did,” he looked like the memories were fading into his mind, but he shook the free and looked at her again. “She kept things from me too. Things I deserved to know. About your brother and our family. But I didn’t want to name you after her to remind me of all the bad.”

“Then why did you pick it?”

“Because we are more than the mistakes we make, Mia. My mom wasn’t perfect. She was… complicated and stubborn. And she caused a lot of pain for people. But when I remember her,” he sighed. “I remember the good things. I remember taking her to get a burger shortly after I got home and she tried to cut it with a knife and folk.”

Mia couldn’t help but laugh along with him, a smile growing on her face. 

“Did you know in Greek, Moira means ‘destiny’?” he gave her a side eye. 

“Is this gonna turn into some cheesy ‘you were always my destiny’, line?”

“Not anymore,” he grinned. “But I will say it’s interesting how hard we fight not to become the people we turn into anyway.”

“Like we don’t even have a choice,” she muttered.

“You always have a choice Mia.” He looked at her, and she could barely hold back the need to fall against him. "But in this world, when you can choose to be anything, I hope you always choose to be kind. Not because it’s easy, it rarely is, but because you know what the world is like when someone isn’t.”

He moved to get up, and she almost reached to keep him seated there. But she still couldn’t bring herself to do it. So instead she cleared her throat.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Mia had tried to push her mom’s pain from her head, but it had just circled the outskirts long enough to come back when she needed it the least. 

“Your mom is the strongest person I have ever met,” he said it with a wistful smile. “She’s as tough as they come.”

“Yeah she is.”

“I’m gonna go back down and sit with her,” he motioned to the hallway. “I’ll let her know you’re okay. But she’s probably gonna want to see for herself in a few minutes. So don’t take too long up here alright?”

“Okay,” she nodded, and watched as he made his way towards the basement. She waited until he was far enough away, waited until she knew the word would come out just right, before she added in a faint whisper. “Dad.”

He stopped for a second, but he didn’t say anything, he didn’t turn back to her. He let it sit there between them, before he continued on towards her mom. And Mia wanted so much to thank him for that. She wasn't close to the point where she could hug him or say the word to his face. But she had two things she didn’t have this morning: hope and time. And if the stories her mom had told her about her father were any indication, those two things would be more than enough.

 


	2. When you smile, I fall apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver just wants to connect with his children. But it might prove harder than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a chapter two. There's probably gonna be at least two more. Because I want to do one from Will's POV and one from Felicity's. Complete the Smoak-Queen family.

Oliver sat himself on the stairs as Mia and Connor sparred. He recognized the emotions that filled him as he stared at his daughter. He had felt this way when he saw William for the first time all those years ago. It didn’t get any easierwith the passage of time, if anything it hurt more. 

“Hey,” Felicity slid up next to him, her arm entangling with his. “I still think you should be lying down.”

“I’ve been lying down off and on for twenty years.” He meant it as a joke, to get that rise of a smile on his wife’s face. He always loved it when she smiled. But they both felt the weight of the last two decades between them. He didn’t know what it was like to think she had died. And she hadn’t been in his place, clawing and reaching every day to get back to her. “Felicity, I’m okay.”

She nodded, but the tears were already forming. “I know you are. I know you came back to me.”

“Always,” he said as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “As long as I live, I will always come back to you.”

She rested her head to his shoulder, and Oliver let the calm fill him. Even if he wanted to curse the universe for dragging him away from the people he loved most, it had also brought them back to him. 

“She’s good,” he whispered, letting his gaze find Mia again. She had taken Connor down in two moves that time, looking pretty damn proud of herself as she did so. “I can't believe you asked Nyssa to train her.”

“She told you that? Wow. She’s usually pretty closed up around people she doesn’t know.” He could see as her words registered, and his wife pulled back as she grasped for more to say. “Not that she doesn’t  _ know  _ you, know you. I mean of course I told her so many things about you. She’s… I just meant because you didn’t get that time together. Oliver I… I didn’t mean that the way it came out.”

“I know,” he whispered, as he kissed her softly. “It’s okay. I wish I could erase those years too. Go back and do it right. Raise them together, you and me. But there’s no do-overs.”

“There’s right nows,” she added, then took the removing the chain from her neck. “I kept this, because I knew in my bones there would never be another person I loved as much as you.”

She took his wedding band, and held it out. 

“Felicity Smoak, are you asking me to be your husband?” He couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face. 

“I think I am,” she returned his smile as she slid the ring onto his finger. “Right where it’s supposed to be.”

“And I’m never letting it go again.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” she sighed as she let her head fall against him again. “You could go talk to her you know? Instead of watching from the stairs like some sad, little labrador.”

“She’s training. I don’t want to interrupt.” Even he could recognize how flimsy his excuse was, the nerves filling him as he spun his ring. It calmed him more than he thought it could. 

“Oliver…”

“I’ll go talk with William,” he said as he stood. Because he knew his wife wouldn’t relent until he spoke to one of their children. 

He hoped William would be the easier of the two. But he braced himself for a wall. They had went through this before. The time out of his son’s life far outweighed the time they spent together, and he couldn’t help thinking back to those last few days they had been together. 

How much time and energy had he spent making Star City safe so his children could grow up together? But it hadn’t been enough. 

“Hey,” he kept his voice low as he approached the computers. 

William looked busy. Taking pieces of old tech arrows, and gutting them for their microchips, as he combined them onto something else. But when Oliver approached, he put the project down and met his father's eyes.

He wasn’t a kid anymore, that was certain. Oliver saw heartache, betrayal, and a full life led behind his sons eyes. But beyond that he could also see the boy who had come to him from such tragedy, and gave him so much to live for. 

“How are you feeling?” William asked pushing the other chair out beside him. 

He would argue that he could stand, but he didn’t want to worry William. So instead he took the offering and sat beside his son. “I feel fine.”

He nodded, turning back to the computer. “Sadly this isn’t exactly a state of the art set up down here. I’ll have to wait until we’re back at the bunker to analyze the data of all the stuff Dale had you on. Once we have the list of drugs, we can make sure taking you off them won’t have any adverse side effects. Figure things out from there.”

“William…” 

“I talked to Zoe too,” he continued as he focused back on the pieces of tech. “She working on clearing the tunnels so we can get you guys back across the wall without the SCPD getting wind. It might only be able to be four at a time. But we’ll worry about that later.”

He nodded, opening his mouth to speak again, but William pressed forward.

“I know a guy who works with nanotech that was launched off the designs of Felicity’s chip,” he said looking over to where Felicity and Dinah were talking. “I think I could get him to take a look, make sure it’s okay.”

Sometimes Oliver forgot that his son wasn't biologically Felicity's. Because they had the same energy when they were avoiding talking about anything real. “How are you, William?”

His son looked at him confusion spreading on his face. “I’m fine?”

“Really?” he turned in his chair to face the training mats again. “Because in the last few weeks, you got dragged back to Star City, found out you had a sister we never told you about, and that your father hasn’t been dead, but missing for the last twenty years. All after you thought we abandoned you.”

He gave Oliver a half smile. “Yeah the sister thing threw me a little.”

“William… I’m so--”

“Dad, you don’t have to apologize to me,” he cleared his throat, picking up a wire and connecting it between two circuits. “I get it now. I mean yeah, when I was a kid, I was pissed. And that was kind of a constant from teen years until, okay pretty recently. But I do understand it as well.”

Oliver let out a slow breath. “I wanted to come and get you. Every single day. I wanted to take you and Felicity, and Mia, and I wanted to hide you all somewhere safe and away from every bad thing that was happening. But I couldn’t do that to you or your grandparents.”

“They gave me a good life,” he replied, and Oliver could see the tears in William’s eyes. “You know even when the news started twisting everything you guys did. When the press would drag your name around like it wasn’t worth a damn, they never made me feel like that. They never made me feel guilty for missing you.”

“I know what it feels like,” he said, remembering Star City back before everything began to fall. “To find out your parents held so many secrets from you, even entire siblings you could have grown up with. I want you to know, that our intention was never to keep you two apart forever. I wanted you to be there for each other. I wanted it more than anything.”

“And now we are,” he pointed to Mia, who was taking a break from kicking Connor’s ass. “I mean, we probably have a bit longer to go before we start confessing secrets. But I trust her. Weirdly enough I think I have since the moment she told me who she was.”

“I’m glad.”

His leg bounced as he twisted back in his seat. And Oliver had the distinct feeling his son was holding back things. Things he wanted to say, things he needed to say. And maybe they weren’t there yet. Maybe twenty years of thinking his father was dead, was enough of something to deal with for one day. Oliver could wait. He would wait forever for his children.

William set down his circuits again, and he looked at Oliver, really looked at him. “Dad, I’m glad your okay.”

He caught his son as the young man’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, and Oliver couldn’t help but flashback all those years to the first time he held William in his arms, to the handful of times he got to do it after. It hadn’t been enough, and over the last twenty years he had been starved of the embrace. 

“I can’t wait to learn everything you’ve done in the last two decades,” he said as he let William slip back into his seat.

A hesitant smile flashed on his son's face. “Yeah we’re not gonna go into _every_ detail.”

“Why not?”

“Because neither you nor Felicity need details of my romantic failures,” he retorted. 

They both jumped when they heard it, the sound of Connor landing hard against the old mats. But when Oliver looked over to see if he could decipher what move his daughter had used, he found that Mia wasn’t focused on Connor, she wasn’t focused on the mats, or anything remotely close to the training area of the Foundry. 

What he found was Mia’s eyes locked on him and William. The look on her face held so many emotions, more than she could be aware of, he was sure of that. 

Once she realized she was staring she shook her head and crossed her arms. “It’s too crowded down here.”

She moved to pass Connor, still on his back and watching her closely, when JJ returned through the backdoor. 

He surveyed the room, and laughed when his eyes landed on his brother. “How do you go through fifteen years of taekwondo ,and still get your ass kicked like forty times in a row?”

“You think you’re so good? By all means take a shot,” Connor used his momentum to push himself off the ground. But Mia ignored his gaze. In fact, Oliver noted, she kept herself from meeting anyone's eyes directly.

“I spoke with my mom,” JJ said, looking at Felicity then to Oliver. “I didn’t give her all the details. Figured you might want to surprise her and Dad in person. But she’s got a truck coming. The downside will be it’s not gonna hold all of us. And any more than four in a ride and we’ll be searched at the Wall. And I don’t think we want Kevin Dale to get wind of us moving Oliver back over to Star City.”

“This is good though,” Connor looked between this brother and the rest of them. “We take the truck and Dinah and Roy. You four can take the tunnels to cross. We’ll meet back at the bunker once we’re clear.”

“And if you two get caught with known vigilantes in your truck?” Dinah asked, her gaze ticking over.

“We say we caught you for ARGUS,” he shrugged. “Jay’s got credentials still. The story will at least hold together long enough to cross.”

“What if it doesn’t?” 

Mia’s voice cut into the conversation like shattering glass. And Oliver could see more of her mother flash across her face. He would recognize a Smoak woman’s worry faster than anything else in the world.

“We can’t all take the tunnels,” Connor said, even though everyone in the room was well aware of this fact. “If we’re caught down there, things could go south fast. At least with splitting up we have a chance--”

“You said we weren’t doing that.”

“Back there yeah, I did.” And Oliver felt like maybe they weren’t supposed to be watching this moment play out between the pair. “That would have been a bad play. But sticking together now is also a bad play.”

“Forget it,” she huffed, and moved to the stairs, ignoring Felicity as she tried to stop her. Stubborn to a fault, his daughter was. More of him shining through.

“I’ll go talk to her,” Connor said as he moved towards the stairs.

“Let me,” he found himself saying, and so no one would argue he added. “We’ll be down in a minute.”

Oliver found her in the same place he had before, sitting on the old stairs of Verdant. She passed something back and forth in her hands. It appeared to be a box of some kind. But she stashed it the second she realized she wasn’t alone.

“I don’t need convincing of Connor’s stupid plan,” she said as she looked over at him. “I realize it’s the best option we have.”

“I know we haven’t got to spend a lot of time together,” he said and winced when the words left his mouth. But he continued forward, sitting down next to her. “But you should know I’m pretty good at observing people.”

“So?”

He folding his hand on his knees and leaned back. He remembered so many moments in this room. Some filled with movement and music, others still and quiet. Heartbreak and greatness had all happened here. What a place to hold some of the best and worst moments in his life.

“So I saw when you dropped Connor like a stack of bricks,” he said, testing the waters with a look.

Mia on the other hand didn’t meet his eye when she spoke. “He should have been ready for it. Wouldn’t have gotten my foot under him otherwise.”

“I know the move,” he said with a sigh. “I was referring to how you didn’t really seem like you meant to lash out at him.”

That got her attention enough for her to look at him. It threw him when she did that, looking at him full on. He still saw those eye on his tiny baby girl. He remembered her opening them for the first time and staring up at him like he was the whole of her world. He knew in that moment she held the majority of his.

“I wasn’t lashing out,” she countered, as she held her head higher. “It was a clean move.”

“I have no doubt it was,” he gave her the faintest of smiles. “But I also know you have every right to be angry Mia.”

The look she gave him now was full of confusion. But Oliver could see the same brilliance in Mia that he saw in Felicity, and things clicked in her pretty quick. “You think I’m angry at you?”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” she huffed as she pushed herself from the steps. “Why would I be angry at you? You didn’t choose to leave your family. I know that. All I’ve heard my entire life is how much you love us, and how much you’d have been there if you were given the chance.”

“Okay if you’re not angry at me than want to tell me why you looked so… hurt?”

She took a shuddering breath as she turned back to him. “Because I spent my whole life being told amazing stories about my dad, and his team of heroes. I was fed your adventures like bedtime stories. You were more special to me than any fictional character. Because they weren't real. But you, you were.”

“Mia, I--”

“And William spent 20 years feeling abandoned. He spent two decades of his life, thinking you and Mom didn’t want him. That you lives were better off without him in it. And the second he sees both of you again, he just falls into your arms. He should be pissed. He should be grappling with this anger and betrayal or whatever. But he’s not. He’s not and...”

He saw it then, the emotion that hovered just under the surface for his little girl. Mia wasn’t angry, she was jealous.

“Mia, your brother,” he said letting the words find their groove. “He had a different childhood than you did.”

“Because he actually got to spend time with you,” she muttered.

“Because he lost his mom when he was really young,” he explained. “And it wasn’t easy, he didn't get the chance to tell her goodbye. William lost his mother violently and because of a man who hated everything I was. And that man vowed to take everything I loved and twist it. William may have been young, but he was old enough to understand everything that happened that summer. And he was old enough to hate me for it.”

Mia paused, but her eyes stayed focused on him. And it’s the only reason he continued.

“Eventually we got to place where he forgave me for what happened. It took a lot of time, and it was hard. But thanks to your mother,” he said as he stood. “William began to open up. He started to see me as his father, and not as the reason his mother died.”

“I didn’t know,” she said, her voice low. “I mean he said you being the Green Arrow got her killed, but I just… I thought...”

“I don’t expect that he opens with that,” he moved past her and over to the bar. 

The place was nearly three decades old, but he distinctly remembered Tommy stashing a bottle of  Macallan behind the loose panel on the right side of the counter. He pushed on it with the flat of his palm and it gave a little. Oliver smirked when his hand found the bottle and pulled it out. 

“Sweet,” she said coming over to him. “What are we drinking to?”

He eyed her and shook his head. “You’re not old enough to drink.”

“I’m nearly 20.”

“Yeah and the last time I checked a law, drinking age was 21,” he said rubbing the dust off the bottle. “And for you it’s 45.”

Mia rolled her eyes. “You realized I’ve had a drink before, right?”

“Nope, not gonna commit that to memory.” 

She laughed, and he had to admit it was probably his favorite sound in the world. He smiled at her as he turned the bottle around. “My best friend Tommy stuck that back there.”

“I thought John Diggle was your best friend?” she challenged hopping up on to the old barstool. 

“He was, still is,” he replied moving the bottle back and forth between this hands. “Tommy was my childhood best friend. I knew Tommy before I knew anything else in this world.”

She nodded, something clicking into place. “He died, that first year you came back?”

Oliver felt himself nod slowly. “We opened this place together. I wanted it to be a cover for vigilante business, but Tommy put so much of himself into it. He hid this back there, and promised that when we both had good women who were crazy enough to marry us, we’d open it.”

“I’m sorry he’s gone.”

He shrugged, setting the bottle away from them. “I wasn’t good at communicating when I came home. I felt like I had to keep everyone at arms length to save them from myself. Some of that had to do with what I’d been through, but I think a lot of it was just part of who I was.”

“Kind of hard for people to push you away if you push them first?” she offered with a sad smile.

“Something like that.” he leaned onto the bar, letting himself study her for as long as she’d let him do it. “It doesn’t make you damaged.”

“I didn’t--”

“You have so many of your mother’s qualities Mia,” he said as he took a step back. He could see Felicity’s light just shine through her, but there was more too. “You look like her, and your brilliant like her. But I can see so much of me in you too. And I wish it was all the good stuff. But I know that self doubt crept in there too.”

“I want to be okay,” she replied her voice barely a whisper. “I want to forget that I was so angry at Mom, because I thought she had lied about everything. I want… I want to be able to look at you and not feel like ripping the universe apart for being such a dick to our family.”

He laughed at that, and it seemed to make her smile. 

“Mia we have time,” he said. And he did something he wasn’t sure she’d let him do, he reached out and took her hand. She didn’t flinch like he thought she might, instead she pulled out the box she had been playing with earlier and set it in front of her.

She opened the lid, and turned it to him. “I found this downstairs.”

A smile grew on his face. It had tarnished over the years, but he recognized the necklace instantly. He pulled it closer, letting his finger fiddle with the old thing. 

“Where did it come from?”

“I made it,” he said, then explained. “Back before John and Lyla knew they were having a boy. I had no clue what to give the baby. So I made a necklace. I could make arrowheads, so I figured I could turn that skill into something smaller.”

“They had Jay though,” she supplied. 

“Yes, and then Lyla informed me arrowheads were not in fact appropriate gifts for infants,” he explained. “But I kept this in case…”

She wouldn’t take her eyes off it. And Oliver moved from behind the bar and towards his daughter. “I kept it for you.”

“What?” she shook her head. “You don't have to...”

He took the necklace out of the box and unclasped it. “May I?”

She looked conflicted, but something gave because she nodded. And he placed it around her neck.

“It might need a polish but we can do that lat--”

“No,” she cut him off. “I like it like this.”

“Alright. We don’t have to clean it,” he smiled. “It looks good on you.”

“Thanks.”

Oliver felt so happy, looking at his little girl with that necklace on. He didn’t think the moment could feel any greater. But in a blink Mia reach for him, and wrapped her arms so tight around his middle. He didn’t know if he should hug her back, didn’t know if it would spook her too much. But he didn’t think he could hold off, so he wrapped his own arms around her, cradling her to his chest like he had when she was so much smaller.

“Dad,” she whispered, and Oliver felt like his heart might break open he was so happy. 

“Yeah?”

She pulled back as she wiped at her eyes. “I just wanted to test it out.”

“Okay.”

“I might not use it all the time.” Because Mia was so much his daughter.

“That’s fine.” He’d never push her. He’d let this happen on her terms. “However long you need.”

She played with the pendant, rolling her eyes as she did. “It’s funny.”

“What is?”

She hesitated, but then met his eyes. “The name I go by when I fight, and so know one knew who I was… it’s Blackstar. And this, with the tarnish, it kinda looks like…”

He saw what she meant, and with the low light even more so. He would never suggest she clean it again. He’s let his little girl keep it as is. Especially if it kept that smile on her face. 

“We should probably start gathering stuff up,” he said after a few quiet moments. “Your mom still needs to get that chip looked at.”

“She’s tough,” Mia replied with a look. He knew she was echoing his earlier words and he couldn’t help but grin. 

“Be that as it may, I still will feel better when someone looks at it.”

“Me too,” she slid off the stool, grabbing the bottle of Macallan as she did. 

He took it from her and shook his head. “No.”

“You’re no fun,” she pouted, but he could hear the teasing behind her words. 

He knew the hardest stuff might still be on the horizon. His would have to find his way into his children's lives as they were now. But he couldn’t think of anything that could take the pure joy out of his soul. Not when he could see the perfect mix of both him and Felicity in Mia’s face. 


End file.
